Character

A Relationship of Trust

April 28, 2013

A Relationship of Trust

How do you determine who to trust? How much trust can you place in those around you, and how much can you trust them with?

A recent story chronicling the “re-education” of Mark Zuckerberg in the April 29^th edition of Fortune provides a good example. With the fast paced growth of social media, apps and smart phones, Facebook needed an effective wireless strategy. This was the next big shift in technology, and if they missed it, the young company’s phenomenal successes could be short lived. Zuck, as he is commonly called by those in the business, turned to Mike Schroepfer his Chief Technology Officer, and Cory Ondrejka who was in charge of mobile engineering. Cory had co-founded Linden Lab which created the virtual world Second Life, and later started a tech company that Facebook recently purchased. It was Cory who proposed not only restarting their current mobile efforts again from scratch, which would take precious time, but doing so in the midst of the much publicized IPO when investor scrutiny on their technology problems would be especially intense.

After much discussion Zuck approved that approach, even though as he said, it was against his instincts. According to the article, his decision paid off as Facebook launched a new iPhone app in August 2012that has received top ratings in the App Store. While it may be too early to determine the long term success of that decision, there’s great learning in the “process” of making it.

So why would Zuck decide to trust the recommendation of these two men, even when it ran contrary to his normal approach and instincts? Because he trusted them. At that moment he made a conscious decision to place greater faith in their experience, analysis and resulting recommendation, than in his own. If they were wrong, he had more to lose than anyone else. The potential impact to his reputation and respect, his company, and his wealth could suffer a significant and possibly irretrievable blow. But he knew that the current strategy wasn’t working, and he had to try something different, so he bought into it and exercised trust.

Active Trust

This type of trust in others is earned. Its an active verb, and it’s a choice. It comes as a result of several foundational elements.

Confidence – belief in their abilities and their motives, that they’re reliable and dependable.

Capability – they have expertise, past proven successes, and experience in a specific critical area.

Consistency – exhibiting the same behavior and communicating the same values repeatedly such that it’s easy to predict their responses.

Collaboration – willingness to work with others, exchange ideas and leverage the strengths of others in coming up with solutions to problems.

Confidentiality – using good judgment in communications with others, and ensuring that information is shared only as necessary with appropriate persons.

Now think of situations where you’ve placed a great deal of trust in someone else.

· You trust your physician with your health.

· You trust your business partner with your work.

· You trust your financial planner with your investments.

· You trust your spouse with your heart.

· You trust your friends with your happiness.

· You trust your work team with your ideas and strategies.

· You trust your boss with your career.

And yet you retain a measure of control over these “trusting” relationships, balancing the right amount of confidence, capability, consistency, collaboration and confidentiality that you place in them, with what they provide in return. It’s a reciprocal relationship, reinforced or weakened by every action or counter-action. You can “remove” the trust at any time, almost immediately, whether for cause or for instinct.

Rock Climbing Trust

So how do you grow to trust someone? And how much are you willing to trust them? For any productivity to occur we must trust others, because we’re incapable of finding fulfillment, achieving our goals, or attaining significance in life without having trusting relationships. And at the same time, we must display these same characteristics so that others will place their trust in us. But your ability to trust others is based in part on your ability to trust yourself. It is based on your ability to demonstrate the 5Cs in the same manner that you want others to demonstrate it. So because Zuck is able to experience and exhibit confidence, capability, consistency, collaboration and confidentiality, he recognizes it and shares it with others.

I recognize that I’ll never be able to trust someone else in a certain area, unless I overcome my personal fears in that area. For instance, I have no desire togo skydiving. As someone eloquently said, why would I jump out of a perfectly good airplane? My fear of having only a parachute on me at ten thousand feet above ground has nothing to do with my trust in the instructor or the pilot. It has everything to do with ME. And unless I deal with that fear, I’ll never learn to trust them. Similarly, while I might step on a narrow boulder a few feet off the ground, I cannot imagine ever (did I say ever) rock climbing and stepping up on a boulder thousands of feet off the ground (see the picture). I’m afraid of that height and don’t trust my ability to master such a feat. Before I perform either act, I’d first have to learn to trust myself and gain more confidence, capability and collaboration before I could trust others to help me do it. The same is true in marriage relationships and business relationships.

So instead of examining others to determine if they’re worthy of our trust, we must first decide if we’re worthy of theirs. Do we display confidence, capability, consistency, collaboration and confidentiality? Do we behave in a manner that would make others want to trust us? Do we use those trusting behaviors to support others in their goals in a manner that creates a reciprocal relationship? I encourage you to practice these characteristics to build your relationships of trust.

Read the Fortune article by Jesse Hemphill here.

Exposed

January 29, 2013

Priscilla Archangel

Character, Leadership

Exposed

“Secrets suck,” said Tyler Hamilton, former cyclist and team member of Lance Armstrong on the U.S. Postal Service Team. Hamilton was interviewed by the Wall Street Journal’s Jason Gay the day after Oprah Winfrey aired Armstrong’s recent admission that he took banned substances to enhance his cycling performance. He doped, and he lied about it. Armstrong said that he wouldn’t have won seven Tour de France medals without having done so. Over the years, others accused him of doping, and he not only vehemently denied it, he also bullied his accusers. Meanwhile he made tens of millions of dollars from endorsements, and started the successful Livestrong Foundation to support people with cancer and to further cancer research.

Hamilton himself exposed his own secrets regarding their drug use in his new book “The Secret Race,” with co-author Daniel Coyle. When he began talking with Coyle, his words came out very slowly, like water trickling from a faucet. The process of exposing his dishonesty to the world was slow and difficult. Hamilton saw the same difficulty in Armstrong’s public confession with Winfrey. Hamilton’s point was that the process of admitting and confessing a very public and long held deception is a slow progression, best mastered one step at a time.

Lies

Come Clean

Hamilton and Armstrong aren’t the first to go through such a process. Other high profile leaders have been forcibly exposed or “come clean” and admitted the truth after years of pretense and cover-up. But such behavior is not limited to public figures. People at every socioeconomic level are vulnerable to it. The desire to conceal past wrongs; present a more positive image of oneself; to be smarter, better, stronger and more successful than others becomes compelling and sometimes addictive.

Bernie Madoff was revered for the returns received by investors in his funds until the truth about his Ponzi scheme, thought to be the largest financial fraud in U.S. history at roughly $65 billion, was uncovered. He pleaded guilty to all the charges and is now serving a 150 year prison term.
Russell Wasendorf, Sr, founder of PGFBest attempted suicide after federal regulators discovered that hundreds of millions of dollars were missing and from and non-existent in his company’s financial accounts.
Trevor Cook deceived more than 700 investors in a Ponzi scheme worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He’s now serving a 25 year jail sentence.
President Richard Nixon lied about his actions related to the Watergate scandal and ended up resigning.
President Bill Clinton lied about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky and was subsequently impeached by the House of Representatives.
Tiger Woods’ multiple marital infidelities were exposed leading to the loss of his marriage and several sponsors, and seemed to negatively impact the quality of his golf game.
James Frey’s autobiography, “A Million Pieces” was Oprah’s book club pick until it was discovered that key portions of his story were fictitious. He returned to Oprah’s show to tearfully admit that substance abuse was the cause of his lies.

While the act of lying is no worse whether you’re famous or unknown, whether it’s “big” one or a “little white lie” (what is that anyway?), the difference is in the impact on the people who look up to you for leadership, those who believe in you. Those are the people who are hurt.

Lies

Just like your mother told you when you were a child, if you tell one lie, you have to tell another to cover it up, and still another, until it’s difficult to remember who you lied to and which lie you told.

The purpose here is not to castigate Armstrong, Hamilton or anyone else who may be guilty of this. All of us on some level may have perpetrated a lie at some point in our lives; and hopefully, thankfully we repented and were forgiven. Rather the purpose is to understand that lying or any behavior that presents an image of someone we’re not, of a capability that we don’t really possess, of a behavior that is not truthful, is a secret that eventually will reveal itself.

When we lie to others, we’re keeping a secret that is a contradiction from the truth. We have to continue to repress the truth and “justify” the lie….that it’s for the good of others, that it’s not anyone else’s business, that it’s not hurting anyone, that others can’t handle the truth. The reality is that we ourselves can’t handle the truth; that we’re running from reality; that we don’t want to fall off the pedestal that we’ve been placed on. But coming off that pedestal has to happen for us to face our humanness, our flaws, sometimes our demons, and begin the road to recovery. Few secrets can be kept forever. Someone knows, someone tells, someone makes a mistake in the cover-up ritual. It can be painful, and unfortunately, some have preferred suicide rather than facing the truth. But the truth eventually brings peace and healing as we reconcile the facts of who we know we are, with who others know us to be.

As leaders our responsibility is far greater to be authentic, admit and learn from our mistakes, and encourage others to do the same. Whether leading a team at work, or leading your family, whether a public pronouncement or a private commitment, like Tyler Hamilton said, “secrets suck”. They can cause internal stress and anxiety that knows no relief until the truth comes out. So focus on truthfulness because that’s where you’ll find peace.

Read the article in the Wall Street Journal here.

Other sources A and B

Get It to Give It

November 1, 2012

Priscilla Archangel

Character

Get It To Give It

The vast majority of people are working to get more money. With the state of the economy, the amount of debt at a national and individual level, mortgage/rent payments, car loans, school tuition, medical bills, food, credit card debt, and the desire to “keep up with the Joneses”, it all contributes to a need to get more money. Ask someone what they would do if they were given a million dollars and they would generally give you a long list of bills to pay off, goals to save for, or things to buy for themselves or their family members. Whether your net worth is a negative number (with lots of digits) or a positive number (with lots of digits), almost everyone is working to get more money.

<1%

So that’s the 99% of us. What would the 1% do? Or maybe it’s the .0001%?

The October 8, 2012 issue of Forbes profiled the 400 richest people in America, worth anywhere from $1.1 billion (a three way tie between Dan Snyder, Paul Singer, and Denise York) to $66 billion (Bill Gates). I was admittedly fascinated with the diverse sources of their wealth, along with their personal stories, because the focus of many of the articles was their philanthropy. Rather than just watch their wealth increase, they were using their money to make a positive impact on society and the world.

For example, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation was established in 2000 as a continuation of Bill’s philanthropic efforts started in 1994, and their goal is to spend all their money in the foundation within 25 years of their demise. Warren Buffett gave approximately $31 billion to their foundation in 2006 with the stipulation that it be spent within 10 years of his death. And hopefully you’ve heard of the Giving Pledge started by Warren Buffett and the Gateses. Since June 2010, over 90 billionaires have signed the Pledge to give away half of their fortune to the charities of their choice by the time of their death. But Chuck Feeney is a role model. Feeney used to be on the Forbes 400 (although it was later found to be an error), because though he has earned $7.5 billion over his lifetime, he’s given so much away that he only has about $2 million left.

Secret Giver

Feeney, now 81, made his fortune by founding the Duty Free Shoppers almost three decades ago. But rather than just amass his fortune, he secretly transferred his ownership stake into the Atlantic Philanthropies. While Forbes Magazine thought he was a billionaire, he instead had given his assets to his charity. Feeney has given to charitable causes on five continents, often anonymously. Charities have to compete for the money and present a plan of action with objectives to be met. If they fail to meet those objectives, their funding is in jeopardy. He frequently requires that his giving be matched by other wealthy people, local governments, or charities. He focuses on getting the highest value for his donations, and hates waste of all types. Feeney did much of this in secret, seeking anonymity and shunning the spotlight. Only in recent years has he allowed a biography to be written, and permitted others to understand what he’s trying to accomplish. His philosophy is “Don’t wait to give your money away when you’re old, or even worse, dead. Instead, make substantial donations while you still have the energy, connections and influence to make waves.” Click here to read the article.)

Feeney and a number of other billionaires profiled in the magazine feel that giving is a duty and an obligation. David Rubenstein (private equity billionaire) summed it up with the following.

“How much can you give to your children before you completely spoil and ruin them? Very few people who inherit gigantic sums have gone on to change the world for the better. Generally the people who’ve changed the world for the better are people who made it on their own and ultimately didn’t want to just distribute wealth to somebody else. If you can give away as much money as you can while you’re alive, you’ll realize the benefits that I just mentioned. You’ll feel much better about yourself—and your children will feel much better about you.”(Click here to read the article.)

Your Turn to Give

So right now, though you may be in awe of Feeney and others, you (like me) probably can’t relate to them because you haven’t yet made your first billion dollars. Well maybe there’s something else you have to give to others…something you have a knack for attracting or acquiring in abundance that has little value when hoarded for yourself; something that causes others to look upon you with respect and amazement; something that was earned through hard work and focusing on your passion. This “thing” will be different for everyone, but generally encompasses your time, talents or treasures. These are the most valuable of your assets, often intangible but observable in the results they produce.

The question is whether you gather it merely for your own value so that others can note your accumulation of it; or whether you gather it to benefit others. You see, we all can be billionaires in some way, just by having an abundance of something valuable that others would desire to have. Just as the billionaires in this edition of Forbes have developed their various passions to accumulate wealth, so those of us in a lesser financial situation can pursue our passions for the benefit of others. We can “get it to give it”.

So no need to wait until to accumulate your first billion. Start now to make a difference in the lives of those around you.

Whay You See May Not Be What You Get

May 29, 2012

Priscilla Archangel

Character, Leadership

What You See May Not Be What You Get

What if we all had x-ray vision to see beyond the visible into the invisible? What if we could see beyond a company’s balance sheet to understand their culture and strategies? What if we could see beyond the words people use, to understand the intent behind them? We’d likely make more informed choices, better investment decisions, and smarter selections in our relationships, career, and life in general.

Fortune Magazine’s recent article on How HP Lost Its Way (by James Bandler with Doris Burke, Fortune, May 21, 2012) provides an inside look at what they call “a dysfunctional company struggling for direction after a decade of missteps and scandals.” After the departure of CEO Mark Hurd following allegations of inappropriate behavior with a HP contractor, it became evident that his “external success had concealed internal deterioration.” The search firm consultant who recommended the new CEO supposedly told HP’s board of directors that Leo Apotheker would be “one of the best CEO picks ever”, but he only lasted eleven months. When the current CEO, Meg Whitman was initially asked to join the board of directors by Chairman Ray Lane, she reportedly thought that it sounded interesting and fun, and that it was likely a well run company. “What could go wrong?” she said. Once she accepted the CEO role after Apotheker’s departure, she gained a clearer picture of the needs and opportunities at this company. Eye looking through a hole in a piece of paper. (more…)

Forgetfulness and Fruitfulness

February 5, 2012

Priscilla Archangel

Character, Leadership

Forgetfulness and Fruitfulness

Think of a time when you had an experience that was so negative that you wanted to just forget about it. Maybe it was a bad relationship, a challenging job, a chaotic family experience, or an insurmountable burden of debt. It may have happened many years ago, or very recently. In any event, the myriad of emotions that you went through during that period continues to stick with you. You may have been treated unfairly, abused, disrespected or bullied, because even adults are victims of bullying. You may have made a bad decision that you can’t undo, so it sticks with you and haunts you. Possibly you never shared your experience with anyone because it was too painful or embarrassing.

IStockPhoto

Unfortunately, now that experience lives on with you. You can’t shake it. It seems like it occurred just yesterday. It defines how you act and think, your responses to situations, and your perspective of yourself. You wish you could move on. You try to push it into the deep recesses of your mind, but at the seemingly strangest moments, it pops out again.

Everyone else around you seems to be carefree. No one else seems to have such a horrible memory. No one could imagine what you’ve been through. You want to shake it, yet you can’t seem to figure out how to do that. How can you forget? How can you move forward like it never happened?

A Time For Forgetfulness

There was a man named Joseph who had a similar experience. For no good reason, his jealous brothers threw him into an empty pit, and left him to die. Then they changed their mind and sold him to some strangers, who sold him again to a powerful and wealthy man. He lacked the freedom to get home to his father; and even if he could, feared his brothers’ wrath if he ever showed up again. So he stayed where he was, working day and night to please his boss, hoping that one day he’d be freed from his situation. He was successful in his work until one day he got in trouble with his boss’s wife. He had seen her looking at him when he was in her vicinity, and he always hurried through his work to get out of her presence. He knew better than to get involved with her. But one day, she caught him alone in the house and she went after him. He ran in fear, but in his haste he literally ran out of his clothes, and left them there in her hands. When he realized how she would then set him up, it was too late to do anything about it. Her husband, his boss, came home, listened to her lie, and threw him in prison for trying to rape his wife. (more…)

Do You Tebow?

December 23, 2011

Priscilla Archangel

Character, Faith Based Leadership, Leadership

Do You Tebow?

By now even non-NFL fans (like myself) are very familiar with Tim Tebow, the University of Florida Heisman Trophy winner and quarterback for the Denver Broncos, who is well known for his public confessions of faith. Tebow is credited with helping the Broncos to win seven of their last eight games with breakthrough fourth quarter plays, until they fell to the New England Patriots this past weekend.

Tebow was born in the Philippines where his parents were missionaries, and home schooled along with his siblings when they later moved to Florida.As a result of a new Florida law providing home-schooled students with equal access to high school sports, he played football in Ponte Vedra Beach then attended the University of Florida where he helped the team win two college football national championships.While there, he used his developing fame to raise money for charitable organizations, and spent his free time volunteering with the poor and needy, and with prisons.

IStockPhoto

He was a first round draft pick in 2010, and in his short career with the Broncos, has many critics of his playing style and capabilities. But he consistently proves them wrong as he performs better than expected in each game. He is one of the most talked about NFL players each week, not only for his exploits on the field, but because of how he interjects his faith into his sport. While he claims that God really doesn’t care who wins the game, after every touchdown, he points toward the sky, and drops a knee on the field in prayer. He begins post-game interviews by thanking his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ”, and closes them with “God bless”. Tebow is also known to write words like John 3:16 and other Bible scriptures in the black paint under his eyes while playing, so that when the camera focuses on him, he’s able to share the Word of God.

While other athletes also invoke the name of God, or point a finger upward at various times, Tim’s commitment to bowing in prayer while on and off the field has made him somewhat of a phenomenon, and this physical posture is now called “Tebowing”. While some other players now “Tebow” as a form of mockery when he misses a play, it went viral when another fan set up a website (www.tebowing.com) filled with pictures submitted by people who “Tebow” in various places around the world. Whether mocking him, copying him, or committing like him, “Tebowing” is well known as a form of acknowledging God. (more…)

A Relationship of Trust

A Relationship of Trust

Exposed

Exposed

Get It to Give It

Get It To Give It

Whay You See May Not Be What You Get

What You See May Not Be What You Get

Forgetfulness and Fruitfulness

Forgetfulness and Fruitfulness

Do You Tebow?

Do You Tebow?

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