A Relationship of Trust
How do you determine who to trust? How much trust can you place in those around you, and how much can you trust them with?
A recent story chronicling the “re-education” of Mark Zuckerberg in the April 29th edition of Fortune provides a good example. With the fast paced growth of social media, apps and smart phones, Facebook needed an effective wireless strategy. This was the next big shift in technology, and if they missed it, the young company’s phenomenal successes could be short lived. Zuck, as he is commonly called by those in the business, turned to Mike Schroepfer his Chief Technology Officer, and Cory Ondrejka who was in charge of mobile engineering. Cory had co-founded Linden Lab which created the virtual world Second Life, and later started a tech company that Facebook recently purchased. It was Cory who proposed not only restarting their current mobile efforts again from scratch, which would take precious time, but doing so in the midst of the much publicized IPO when investor scrutiny on their technology problems would be especially intense.
After much discussion Zuck approved that approach, even though as he said, it was against his instincts. According to the article, his decision paid off as Facebook launched a new iPhone app in August 2012that has received top ratings in the App Store. While it may be too early to determine the long term success of that decision, there’s great learning in the “process” of making it.
So why would Zuck decide to trust the recommendation of these two men, even when it ran contrary to his normal approach and instincts? Because he trusted them. At that moment he made a conscious decision to place greater faith in their experience, analysis and resulting recommendation, than in his own. If they were wrong, he had more to lose than anyone else. The potential impact to his reputation and respect, his company, and his wealth could suffer a significant and possibly irretrievable blow. But he knew that the current strategy wasn’t working, and he had to try something different, so he bought into it and exercised trust.
Active Trust
This type of trust in others is earned. Its an active verb, and it’s a choice. It comes as a result of several foundational elements.
Confidence – belief in their abilities and their motives, that they’re reliable and dependable.
Capability – they have expertise, past proven successes, and experience in a specific critical area.
Consistency – exhibiting the same behavior and communicating the same values repeatedly such that it’s easy to predict their responses.
Collaboration – willingness to work with others, exchange ideas and leverage the strengths of others in coming up with solutions to problems.
Confidentiality – using good judgment in communications with others, and ensuring that information is shared only as necessary with appropriate persons.
Now think of situations where you’ve placed a great deal of trust in someone else.
· You trust your physician with your health.
· You trust your business partner with your work.
· You trust your financial planner with your investments.
· You trust your spouse with your heart.
· You trust your friends with your happiness.
· You trust your work team with your ideas and strategies.
· You trust your boss with your career.
And yet you retain a measure of control over these “trusting” relationships, balancing the right amount of confidence, capability, consistency, collaboration and confidentiality that you place in them, with what they provide in return. It’s a reciprocal relationship, reinforced or weakened by every action or counter-action. You can “remove” the trust at any time, almost immediately, whether for cause or for instinct.
Rock Climbing Trust
So how do you grow to trust someone? And how much are you willing to trust them? For any productivity to occur we must trust others, because we’re incapable of finding fulfillment, achieving our goals, or attaining significance in life without having trusting relationships. And at the same time, we must display these same characteristics so that others will place their trust in us. But your ability to trust others is based in part on your ability to trust yourself. It is based on your ability to demonstrate the 5Cs in the same manner that you want others to demonstrate it. So because Zuck is able to experience and exhibit confidence, capability, consistency, collaboration and confidentiality, he recognizes it and shares it with others.
I recognize that I’ll never be able to trust someone else in a certain area, unless I overcome my personal fears in that area. For instance, I have no desire togo skydiving. As someone eloquently said, why would I jump out of a perfectly good airplane? My fear of having only a parachute on me at ten thousand feet above ground has nothing to do with my trust in the instructor or the pilot. It has everything to do with ME. And unless I deal with that fear, I’ll never learn to trust them. Similarly, while I might step on a narrow boulder a few feet off the ground, I cannot imagine ever (did I say ever) rock climbing and stepping up on a boulder thousands of feet off the ground (see the picture). I’m afraid of that height and don’t trust my ability to master such a feat. Before I perform either act, I’d first have to learn to trust myself and gain more confidence, capability and collaboration before I could trust others to help me do it. The same is true in marriage relationships and business relationships.
So instead of examining others to determine if they’re worthy of our trust, we must first decide if we’re worthy of theirs. Do we display confidence, capability, consistency, collaboration and confidentiality? Do we behave in a manner that would make others want to trust us? Do we use those trusting behaviors to support others in their goals in a manner that creates a reciprocal relationship? I encourage you to practice these characteristics to build your relationships of trust.
Read the Fortune article by Jesse Hemphill here.
Imagine you’re walking along the beach. In the distance you see storm clouds gathering, the sky darkening. The sun slowly becomes unrecognizable behind the thick cover overhead. The waves rushing onto shore become increasingly more powerful, as they push further into the sand, washing away the designs and formations made by beachgoers earlier in the day. The lifeguards beckon swimmers out of the water because they know the undercurrent is stronger and the sea is dangerous. Umbrellas and beach chairs are stacked up and tied down. Meanwhile the sand is pushed in and out by the waves, back and forth in unpredictable patterns.