Managing Your Triggers
By now many of us have seen the recent viral video of a CEO in Michigan whose response to an employee’s question during a virtual all employee meeting, was recorded and posted on social media.
Garnering likely millions of views, along with articles in multiple national and local news outlets, it’s been a public relations storm for the company and its employees. This CEO joins the list of other C-suite leaders who have similarly criticized employees or made what was perceived to be insensitive remarks in their frustration over productivity, profits, and pandemic related work habits that they want to change.
In many situations like this, the leaders experience a trigger. Triggers are typically things we see, hear, or feel that spark a negative emotion. They create a fight or flight response. It could be a situation that goes against deeply held values and priorities or evokes memory of an adverse experience. We all have them, and it’s important to understand how they may set us up for the wrong behavioral response.
A Few Observations
First, we don’t know the full context or environment that led up to her triggered response.
— Maybe she was tired or stressed.
— Maybe this was the umpteenth time she responded to such a question.
— Maybe she viewed the people who asked the question as needing to focus more on business goals because that was her biggest focus.
Second, any leader may find themselves in a similar position when they’re sharing information with a group of employees and trying to motivate the team to perform at their best or discussing a difficult topic.
Third, leaders need to anticipate team member needs. They must understand what concerns employees and think about how they can best respond to those worries. They must demonstrate empathy.
Emotional Sparks
Triggers are emotional reactions that can happen in a split second, sometimes with adverse results. One seemingly small spark can literally start a fire and negatively impact relationships. Here are five steps to manage your triggers.
- Know what triggers you. Be aware of the type of comments and behaviors that evoke a visceral reaction in you. Write them down if needed. Know the people or profiles that are prone to evoke them. And be sensitive to the physical or emotional reaction that quickly manifests when you’re triggered. The goal is to be able to immediately recognize it so that you can manage the other
- Prevent the fight or flight reaction. Instead take a deep breath. Count to five. Pause. Think.
- Is this something that I need to respond to immediately?
- Who else is present and what might their reaction be to what was said, and how I might respond?
- Am I the obvious person “in the room” to respond to this?
- Am I the only one triggered by it?
- Is it more important for me to respond quickly and potentially damage this relationship, or will I have a better response if I pause and think about where the other person is coming from?
- Engage a colleague. If you’re part of a cohesive leadership team, you will know a bit about each other’s behaviors. Thus, a colleague may recognize that this is a trigger for you and may be better equipped to step in to respond. Or you can invite them to join the dialogue. This helps to buy time for you to develop your best response to the situation.
- Think about your audience’s concerns and your role. They will only listen to you if they know you are listening to them. Convey empathy by taking an active interest in their thoughts and feelings. Sincerely make them feel valued.
- Preplan your response. When possible, before meeting with a group of employees, consult with your leadership team and others who know the issues on their minds and discuss how you can best respond to them. Ensure you know what they need to hear from you to convey your support and that you care. Role play off-the-cuff questions to help you prepare your responses.
In today’s world, leaders must operate with a heightened awareness that anything they say or do will be amplified and multiplied; especially something that doesn’t agree with even a small number of team members. The reaction of leaders can impact entire organizations and stakeholders, including the value of the company.
Learning to manage your triggers means being responsible to ensure that every action and reaction is as appropriate as possible for the moment. This may seem like a huge charge, an impossible task, but that’s the duty of a leader. No one is perfect at it, but the goal is to continually improve, and to be the best possible leader for your team.
Copyright 2023 Priscilla Archangel
Image by Nazan Akpolat from iStock.