Tigers, Coddling and Leadership
Assume with me that the goal of every “good” parent is to raise children to be smart, well rounded, and who will discover and fulfill their greatest potential. Most parents will agree with that statement, but when we begin to talk about how to accomplish that, the consensus generally stops. What type of parenting is most effective in achieving this goal? Consider a set of articles that appeared recently in back to back weekend editions of the Wall Street Journal.
It started with an excerpt from Amy Chua’s new book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” where she describes Chinese mothers as being superior in their tactics of raising children to get straight A’s, and play the violin or piano.She didn’t allow her two daughters to attend sleepovers, watch TV or play computer games, be in school plays, choose their own extracurricular activity, not be the top student in class, and not play the piano or violin. Though she had “clashes of wills” with them, they learned to meet her high expectations, and her oldest teenager played the piano at Carnegie Hall.Amy’s perspective is summed up this way.”Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”
As you can imagine, there was a firestorm of responses from readers.Ayalet Waldman provided a rebuttal the following week by saying that her four children of a Jewish mother were allowed to sleep over at friends houses, participate in and quit any extracurricular activity, play on the computer and surf the internet, and not play a musical instrument. She recounts a learning challenge that one of her daughters faced.Ayalet’s constant tutoring and practice drills only succeeded in making her daughter miserable, until they found a specialized training program and enrolled her in it.It was a grueling program for a second grader, but her daughter persevered to complete it and overcame her issue, not because of her parent’s pressure, but because she loved books and wanted to read.Ultimately Ayalet said “Amy Chua and I both understand that our job as mothers is to be the type of tigress that each of our different cubs needs.”
Leaders have a challenge similar to the mothers in these articles.Their goal is to develop individuals into high functioning teams, leveraging their specific skills to accomplish organizational objectives. They need to identify emerging talent and develop them to take on greater responsibility becoming the leaders of tomorrow. There are probably millions of books on how to be a great leader, with an equal number of different perspectives. What’s the right approach? The answer is a combination of the organization’s culture, the leader’s personality and talents, and the individual employee’s traits and skills.And the basis of this is every good leader’s gut instinct on what’s right for their team; what works for the moment; and what motivates the group.
As a leader, are you as attentive to developing your team as you are to raising your children? Or are you as focused on motivating your children as you are on getting results out of your team?Proverbs 22:6 directs us to train our children in the way they should go, so that when they’re grown, they won’t depart from it. So be attentive as a leader to train your team based on their needs; whether your style is to be a tiger mother, to coddle them, or hopefully something in between.Ensure that they develop to their highest potential.
Copyright 2011 Priscilla Archangel
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior, by Amy Chua, Wall Street Journal, January 8-9, 2011, page C1
In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom, by Ayalet Waldman, Wall Street Journal, January 15-16, 2011, page C1.